Solving Everyday Problems

We encounter Everyday Problems (EP) everyday. EP usually refers to getting into an undesirable situation because of someone else's inconsiderate act or just merely by our self-consciousness. The EP can last for a few seconds to half an hour and for some unlucky ones - hours.

There are many types of EP. Some of them can be fatal while some just irritates you.

1) A person plays crappy MTV music near you.

I've encountered this problem a septillion times (1 with 24 zeros). Each and everyone of these involved Saddam Hussein and a handphone. Yes, when I mean Saddam Hussein, it means someone who likes to jackass. Using his/her handphone, the person will then play a very crappy song with examples such as all the songs from MTV which includes "Umbrella-ella-ella-hey-hey-hey-you're my umbrella-ehe-ehe-ehe" by Rihanna and "Apologize" by One Republic.


There are many ways to solve this problem.

Step one, say very loudly to your friend(s) about the noise and use the word inconsiderate 2 or 5 times.

Step two, if that did not work, take out your own phone and play a rock song. Remember, a ROCK song. Why? Because rock songs are the best and it entertains everyone else except for those who watch MTV.

Step three, if that did not work, throw your phone towards the guy. That should kill the guy instantly.

2) A person is smoking near you.

This is a very fatal EP. By being near a person who is smoking, you are actually smoking, but second-handedly. By smoking second-handedly, you will make the guy beside you smoke third-handedly. Thus, the guy who is standing beside the guy beside you is smoking fourth-handedly.

To solve this problem..

Step one, choke yourself, then shout "help help, I can't breathe!"

Step two, act dead, lie down on the floor and don't breathe. Continue doing this until you die.

Step three, after you die, stand up and this will give a signal to the smoker to stop smoking.

3) You see Mas Selamat and you do not have a phone to call the police.

Mas Selamat escaped from a detention center a few weeks ago. This means that he could be anywhere and everywhere. When you see him..

Shout: I am Ahmad but not Mas Selamat.

Then you bend your left leg and start walking as if you are limping on your left leg.

By this time, he will think that he is looking at his twin, approach him slowly and return the $5 you owe him. Say bye bye.

4) You see Jay Chou.

Jay Chou is a very talented guy. He can act as a singer and actually lip-sync without any errors. If you are in Taiwan, you will see him a lot of times. The reason is because many people want to look like him or simply because he can teleport between two places like Kadabra in Pokemon. Anyway, he really looks like Kadabra, but Kadabra looks nicer and can actually bend spoon.




If you see Jay Chou,

1) Shout the name "Hebe Tian" loudly.
2) At this point in time, he will be running to you like a monkey because he is very angry.
3) Then, take out Maxim (Taiwanese version) and throw it at him.
4) The Maxim magazine will hit his face.


Okay, fine, abrupt ending of this post. If I don't stop dwelling on this post, I will never stop.