How subjects taught in school benefit us: Combined Humanities

After a quite a break from blogging, I lay my hands on my keyboard and will attempt to press random alphabets to create this post.

Which led me to type random words about Combined Humanities, which is History and Social Studies joined together into one big subject.

Through this subject, we learn to analyze sources that are given to us and link the sources to each other and the given topic. In real life, this is EXTREMELY helpful. In the case of Mas Selamat, sources were pasted onto bus stops and MRT stations to let the commuters infer and act upon what is given to them.

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This is a rectangular picture that shows "Call 999 immediately if you see him" in another language, which is the Malay language. The line below "Call 999 immediately if you see him" looks like straight lines that is a bit curved and placed very near each other in blocks. There is this two lines that almost look like an "A", but the line between the two almost-vertical lines is absent.


The line that is two lines below "Call 999 immediately if you see him" are scribbles by a three year old boy named Dave. I don't really know who he is, so I think it is up to you to find out. At the end of the day, it is you who is marking this paper, not me.

Above "Call 999 immediately if you see him", there is "POLICE NOTICE". I don't really understand what it means because in the English language, only the first letter of the sentence should be capitalized, the rest are not except for proper nouns. "POLICE NOTICE" has 12 capital letters, so I think, there are 12 sentences but the rest of the alphabets are too small, probably squeezed in between the capital letters.

There are four boxes below the sentences. It is shaded blue and there seems to be a brown object in the vast amount of blue surrounding it. I am not really sure what it looks like. Either my computer's screen is spoilt or my eyes are closed.

I conclude that the source looks rectangular.

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With the skill learnt through Combined Humanities, looking at posters in public places is a much easier job. There is little need to ask around to know what the poster is about, reducing embarrassment and wasted energy from asking around.

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You: Er, sir, what is that banana being like..you know..wrapped in a plastic. I mean, come on, they are like squeezed in that plastic or latex looking rubber. And worse still, I think the banana is yellow. Oh wait, all bananas are yellow. And Chicken Rice is nice.


Man: That, my friend, is an advertisement from a company called SSL International based in UK. It is about condominiums.

You: Condominiums? You mean, the latex rubber thing is a condo?

Man: No, condom.

You: Oh yeah.

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The questions in Combined Humanities (CH) are designed to engage the student into a thinking process. The questions are very challenging to the extent that the student will have to write workings as a man's mental capabilities are downtroddened by the processing needed to answer the questions.

Example:

To what extent was the Policy Of Appeasement the cause for the death of Britney Spears? Explain your answer.

Model Answer:

It was to an extent of such extent that I can't take this anymore. The death of Britney Spears was caused by the Policy Of Appeasement. I love her a lot. To explain my answer is an insult to Britney Spears, look at her:


She just completed NS and she still needs time for her hair to grow.

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Today is 08/08/2008. It LOOKS like 080808, but it's not. It's more like 08082008. I really don't know how many couples are created today, cause many people think that today is a special day. In fact, people in Sudan are still dying in large numbers, many people are still affected by AIDS/HIV and Powerpuff Girls still don't exist. It's not funny, don't laugh.

Have you watched Handcock?

Have you watched HandCock? It is a superhero movie starring Will Smith. But what you didn't know is that this is a very disgusting movie. In this story, Will Smith aka John Hancock discovers that his hand looks like a cock. What is "cock" to you is dependable.


HandCock, pronounced as Hancock and sometimes, or usually referred to as "Hancock". Due to the nature of the title, it has been changed from HandCock to Hancock. This is also because the media authority of many countries would rate it as an NC34 movie if the word "cock" is in the title.


Not to forget, the name "HandCock" is one of the worst movie titles ever. Many other similar titles include: "LegPenis" or "HeadBone".

These are some other bad movie titles.

1) "I know what you did last summer"

The movie title sucks because it is too long and because the title is lying to you. When you read the title, "you" refers to you, the reader of the title. Obviously, the director does not know what you did last summer unless you are Jay Chou.

And we all can predict the title of the next part of the movie.

a) I confirm that I know what you did last summer.
b) I took a video of what you did last summer.
c) The video sucks.

2) "I, robot"

What appears to be a nice title is not really a nice title. The movie makes you look and sound stupid. It is almost like having the title: "This is a movie about robots fighting human beings." because there is a huge error in the sentence structure of the title.

It should be:

"I am a robot"


Many other similar titles are:

a) I not stupid.
b) I not stupid too.


and

c) I not stupid tree.

Dead Cat Found Beside Car

On the 4th of July, a dead cat was found in a car park near blk 456, Jurong East. The cat was lying on the floor and it looked as if it was sleeping but in fact, it is faking.


"The cat is actually dead." says Professor Mikhael Ballack.

The cat which was found at about 3.23pm today was a black cat which has about four legs and two ears. The exact number is not known yet as the cat is yet to receive any autopsy. What is known is that the cat is actually a male. This was because a condom was found near the cat's carcass.

The cause of the death of the cat is yet to be confirmed. It is suspected that Mas Selamat, Singapore's most-wanted terror fugitive who escaped from detention on 27 February 2008, was the killer of the cat.

"I was not sure whether to believe this crap or not, but after examining his hair, it confirmed the findings that he was the killer. He has wavy hair and probably more than three moles on his face. A cat killer indeed."

When interviewed, Mas Selamat said that he was busy eating Nasi Lemak at a nearby coffee shop with his friends. They were talking about Maple Story. Mas Selamat was killing Mushrooms but was "KS-ed" by a guy from Woodlands.


The guy was bombed.

Another suspected cause is that it was killed by a moving car. But after much picture taking of the scene, the photographers can figure out therein that it is not any car's fault. The car that they took the picture of was NOT MOVING. It was sitting on top of the cat.

"I fished out my camera from my left pocket and snapped a picture of a car that was on the cat. I tell you, the car was not moving. If it was moving, the wheels should be turning and there should be a driver inside the car with at least two children, one girl and one boy, and the boy should be reading a storybook. But no, I saw none of it. It was just a stationary car." - Jay Chou


Another suspected cause of death was that the cat was simply... ...old. The heart stopped beating and the cat simply stopped walking and laid itself on the car park. But skeptics have pointed out that there were blood around the carcass of the cat. The counter argument was..

The cat was experiencing menstruation before its death.

Without proper sanitary pads, the cat lost its blood and died.

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What you have read may be nonsense but a Jemaah Islamiah Leader escaping from "prison" is not.


If you see him or even someone that looks like him, call 999 immediately.

Games, Games, Games

This post is all about games. If you haven't played any game before reading this post, please scroll to the bottom of this blog and scroll up again. It is quite fun, almost like a game (but not a game).

Some of us like to visit websites about games to see release dates, launch events and game reviews. Some of the sites include gametrailer.com, gamespot.com and gamefaq.com. The last two of the examples are damn funny. Every time I read them out loud, I laugh.

Here is why:



I mean, come on, it's gamefag.com. The word "fag" is there :D

Many game titles are lame. Some of them are bad titles; not making sense to the consumer. Some of them are too long. Some of them are in Chinese characters, and some of them in foreign language which I can't recognize.

1) Dead or Alive

Dead or alive is actually... ... ...a fighting game. Does the word "dead" or "alive" or even "or" say anything about fighting games? Of course not. Dead is when a person dies. Alive is when the person who died stand up. In this fighting game, the girls are in the spotlight. Their breasts oh-my-son-of-mother can move individually like jelly (not Pug Jelly, the local band). If you're interested, go to Youtube and search. This blog will not publish anything that cannot be read by a toddler. Just kidding.




2) Mobile Suit Gundam: Gundam vs. Zeta Gundam


Yes, it's true. They repeated the word gundam THREE times in their title. And worst still, it looks as if gundam is fighting with..gundam. Gundam itself is stupid. Break the word up into two and you get "Gun" and "damn". Damn it.

Okay, let me try to make some close examples to why this game's name suck.

a) Cinderella Fighting Queen: Queen vs. More Queens

b) PowerPuffGirls and Mojo Jojo: Jo jo jo jo jo jo jo

c) Dead or Alive: Are you Dead or Alive?

3) Death by Dying

Erm. What did you say?

Come on, we all know that the only way you die is through dying. Anything before death is dying. Even when you are hit by a speeding lorry and you're bleeding on the road with twenty people staring at you taking pictures and planning to send it to stomp.sg, you are technically dying.

It is the same if you say: "Jump by Jumping" or "Doing homework by doing homework".

This kind of title makes consumers feel stupid. Seriously.

The average consumer's conversation:

Consumer: Is this death by dying, the number one game in Singapore?
Owner: Yes and you're pointing at the game's title and you're repeating the game's title to me, a person who owned the game for three months already. Aren't you asking a dumb question?
Consumer: So, what is this game about?
Owner: (trying very hard to make the consumer feel stupid) Oh, in this game, a person who died was found to die through the act of dying.

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Gaming to me is important even though I only completed a few games since I was born. I didn't even complete Pokemon Yellow because the Elite four was too time-consuming to fight with. That is one reason why I don't like RPGs (Role Playing Games) such as World of Crap. I love playing third person shooters and they make up the bulk of my gaming time. My favourite game is Gunz. My favourite food is Chicken Rice. I don't know why I am telling you this.

Total Defence Day

Wikipedia:

Total Defence (Chinese: 全民防卫; Malay: Pertahanan Mutlak; Tamil: --) is a concept introduced by the government of Singapore in 1984 to improve readiness in matters related to the defence and national security of Singapore, and is partly based on similar concepts in Switzerland, Denmark and Sweden. In fact, the concept has very close similarities (including the “five aspects of Total Defence”, discussed below) to the 1972 adopted Total Defence concept in Austria. This concept rests on the notion that the defence of the country cannot rely only on the regular armed forces. Thus the concept declares that government agencies, private sector organisations and all Singaporeans are to be involved in an effort to deal with security threats facing Singapore. It can be compared to the concept of total war.

Lifeaintsosimple.blogspot.com:

Total Defence is a concept where people are to defend totally.

Total Defence Day was on February 15 this year, quite a long time ago. Many schools participated in it and many pupils had much fun with the programmes that they organised.


Primary schools adopted the "Pupil-soldier Integration ProgrammE" aka PIPE. In this programme, 3 pupils from every class was sent to Afghanistan to participate in the counter-terrorism effort.

Voluntary Enlistment.

They were given Sar-21s to combat against the terrorists. This is an interview with one of the pupils:

Me: How was the trip to Afghanistan?
Pupil: It was fun, bullets ricochet around the terrain and one of my friends was hit by a bullet.
Me: So what happened to him?
Pupil: He died.

Not only that, kindergarten pupils were given crayons and drawing papers and were asked to draw pictures of Saddam Hussein and rifles. Prisoners from the middle east was brought into the classroom where they gave a speech that really inspired the pupils..


"Many people have died from these attacks, they are innocent by-standers doing their usually stuff - eating, drinking, walking and reading books. The books were named 'harry potter' and it speaks about a wizard whose forehead had a scar. The scar is coloured red and blue. The scar is quite big, as big as a snail. This scar resembled terrorism."


Jay Chou had a concert in Singapore two months ago. It was cancelled because of terrorism.

Secondary schools students were sent to Iraq to interview Osama Bin Laden, who have successfully hid in a female toilet for 3 years and 4 months. In the interview, one of the secondary school student was kidnapped but his parents were told that the he is in safe hands and is living in Hotel 81 with three other soldiers.

A real life attack simulation was held at Boon Lay MRT. The operation was called Operation Northstar. A bomb was placed in a briefcase and was exploded in front of a "chio bu". Many boys criticised the operation, life sucks for them.

Boys from the schools were given an intro to army life.

"We use Counterstrike to simulate a REAL LIFE attack scene in an urban setting."

"We use Barbie dolls to motivate the soldiers."

"We do not use guns, we simply throw the bullets with our hands."

"Our GPS guiding system that controls air units is actually a PSP."

"Our ships can float."

Sony vs Microsoft [P4]

Part 4 shouldn't have existed, but then, I thought that this series was funny, in a sense that I laughed at the posts whenever I read them again.

Sony and Microsoft have always been hating each other because they cannot be monopolies of the gaming market if the other exists. Sony created the Playstation 3, also known as the PS3 and Microsoft created the XBox360.
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Fun facts:

Ever played a Nintendo DS? GOOD! Do you know that the top screen is also touch sensitive, not just the bottom screen. This is a graphical explanation on how to use the top screen:


Once you break the screen, try moving the components inside using the stylus. Fix everything in under 30 minutes. Enjoy your new game.

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In conclusion, Nintendo Wii is the best console EVER. There are many reasons leading to this conclusion and some of them will be mentioned now.

1) Nintendo Wii is the first of its kind.

Nintendo Wii is a revolution, it utilises motion sensing to play the games and this creates a new way of playing games unlike the usual where players press buttons on a controller and sleep after playing Playstation 1/2/3.

Xbox 360 is a noob console. The reason being that Microsoft forgot to make xbox 2/3/4/5/6/7/8/9/10/11/12/13/14/15 all the way to 359. I mean, COME ON, how can they forget 358 other xboxes!


Anyway, if there is Xbox 2 and 3 and 4 and 5 and 6 and 7 and 8, they will look like these:








Interesting? Not really, one of the designs looks like two girls staring at you. How can you play Xbox like that?


2) Nintendo Wii is made by the Japanese.

Japanese people are kind, friendly and innovative. They don't really like to cook. Their "cook" refers to placing meat and seaweeds into refrigerators and then eating them cold.

What I am trying to say is that Nintendo have a non-fierce and more gay-ish design. It resembles Teletubbies and Powerpuff Girls playing in a playground with play-doh and dolls in their hands.

BUT, you have to remember that Nintendo Wii is racist. A basic Nintento Wii is WHITE. This calls for white supremacy, a time where whites are considered to be supreme (they themselves said that they are supreme, egoistic bunch of people). Why can't they make Nintendo Wii brown or grey so that it is more of a neutral stand between blacks and whites!


3) Nintendo Wii has 11 letters inside.

Do you know what 11 is?

a) September 11 is a day when two planes accidentally crash into the World Trade Center on the same day at almost the same time. The reason is because the two towers were too tall.

b) 11 plus 655 is 666. 666 is the NUMBER OF THE BEAST.

Quoted from Wikipedia:
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"666

The Number of the Beast is described in the Book of Revelation 13:18. The original Greek reads:
“ ωδέ η σοφία εστίν; ο έχων νουν ψηφισάτω τον αριθμόν του θηρίου; αριθμός γαρ ανθρώπου εστί; και ο αριθμός αυτού χξϛ΄. ”

The King James translates:[4]
“ Here is wisdom. Let him that hath understanding count the number of the beast: for it is the number of a man; and his number is Six hundred threescore and six.
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Also:

* In the Bible, 666 is the number of gold talents that King Solomon collected in a single year (see 1 Kings 10:14 and 2 Chronicles 9:13).
* In the Bible, 666 is the number of Adonikam's descendants who return to Jerusalem and Judah from the Babylonian exile (see Ezra 2:13).
* The sum of all the numbers on a roulette wheel is 666.
* The number 666 is a frequent visual element of Aryan Brotherhood tattoos.
* 666 is the port number used by the game Doom when playing against another player via TCP.
* 666 was the original name of the Macintosh SevenDust computer virus that was discovered in 1998.
* 666 was a winning lottery number in the 1980 Pennsylvania Lottery scandal, in which equipment was tampered to favour a 4 or 6 as each of the three individual random digits.

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And do you know that 666 is equal to saying that "your mother die"?

Solving Everyday Problems

We encounter Everyday Problems (EP) everyday. EP usually refers to getting into an undesirable situation because of someone else's inconsiderate act or just merely by our self-consciousness. The EP can last for a few seconds to half an hour and for some unlucky ones - hours.

There are many types of EP. Some of them can be fatal while some just irritates you.

1) A person plays crappy MTV music near you.

I've encountered this problem a septillion times (1 with 24 zeros). Each and everyone of these involved Saddam Hussein and a handphone. Yes, when I mean Saddam Hussein, it means someone who likes to jackass. Using his/her handphone, the person will then play a very crappy song with examples such as all the songs from MTV which includes "Umbrella-ella-ella-hey-hey-hey-you're my umbrella-ehe-ehe-ehe" by Rihanna and "Apologize" by One Republic.


There are many ways to solve this problem.

Step one, say very loudly to your friend(s) about the noise and use the word inconsiderate 2 or 5 times.

Step two, if that did not work, take out your own phone and play a rock song. Remember, a ROCK song. Why? Because rock songs are the best and it entertains everyone else except for those who watch MTV.

Step three, if that did not work, throw your phone towards the guy. That should kill the guy instantly.

2) A person is smoking near you.

This is a very fatal EP. By being near a person who is smoking, you are actually smoking, but second-handedly. By smoking second-handedly, you will make the guy beside you smoke third-handedly. Thus, the guy who is standing beside the guy beside you is smoking fourth-handedly.

To solve this problem..

Step one, choke yourself, then shout "help help, I can't breathe!"

Step two, act dead, lie down on the floor and don't breathe. Continue doing this until you die.

Step three, after you die, stand up and this will give a signal to the smoker to stop smoking.

3) You see Mas Selamat and you do not have a phone to call the police.

Mas Selamat escaped from a detention center a few weeks ago. This means that he could be anywhere and everywhere. When you see him..

Shout: I am Ahmad but not Mas Selamat.

Then you bend your left leg and start walking as if you are limping on your left leg.

By this time, he will think that he is looking at his twin, approach him slowly and return the $5 you owe him. Say bye bye.

4) You see Jay Chou.

Jay Chou is a very talented guy. He can act as a singer and actually lip-sync without any errors. If you are in Taiwan, you will see him a lot of times. The reason is because many people want to look like him or simply because he can teleport between two places like Kadabra in Pokemon. Anyway, he really looks like Kadabra, but Kadabra looks nicer and can actually bend spoon.




If you see Jay Chou,

1) Shout the name "Hebe Tian" loudly.
2) At this point in time, he will be running to you like a monkey because he is very angry.
3) Then, take out Maxim (Taiwanese version) and throw it at him.
4) The Maxim magazine will hit his face.


Okay, fine, abrupt ending of this post. If I don't stop dwelling on this post, I will never stop.

Why smoking is bad.

Smoking is a practice where a substance, most commonly tobacco is burned and inhaled or tasted. I wonder why many people love smoking. Questions by questions run through my mind every single time I see someone wasting money on cigarettes. But we are not here to ask questions.

We are here to answer them.

1) How can someone be tempted to start smoking?

There are many factors that contribute to the temptation of smoking, these include pen sucking, blowing powder and bad influence. To date, pen sucking is the major cause of why people, especially pupils, start smoking.

Pen Sucking? But why..

Here is an experiment that can enable you to understand:

Things you need:
1) Pen
2) Cigarette
3) Lighter
4) A camera, probably Nikon. (This phrase is brought to you by..Nikon - Google Ads)


First step, carry the pen using three fingers, with careful precision, place the pen into your mouth. Take a picture and you will get something like this:


If you see the picture carefully, you will realize that the pen is NOT IN HIS MOUTH. If this happens, throw the pen and buy a longer pen. This is to make the pen longer so that the pen will enter your mouth.

Second step, take the cigarette, set the cigarette on fire, then, place the burning part of the cigarette into your mouth, this will burn your mouth, but don't worry, your saliva will extinguish the fire. Then, take a picture of yourself. It will look something like this:


Now, COMPARE AND CONTRAST. Do they look similar?

1) Of course
2) Duh
3) Aboden
4) All of the above

Answer: All of the answers. (If pupil chooses 5, he is a smoker.)


Yes, looks like I have answered my own question. As you can infer, a pupil is a person that lives in a classroom and goes home once in a while to eat and sleep. There are many pen suckers in school, most notably, Rain and Jay Chou. When they are outside the school, they are unable to suck a pen. To act as a substitute, they use a cigarette (that costs S$12/pack) to satisfy their temptation.


2) Why do people smoke?

People continue smoking because of many reasons. Some reasons include: pregnancy, emo-ism and peer influence. Much of the reason is influence, usually from their peers. Peers, or what we call "friends" are people whom we know, trust and borrow money from. They owe you 4 dollars.

Peers are sources of encouragement. Phrases such as "You can do it!" and "I am eating hot dogs!" pushes the human mind further towards extremes, towards things that we cannot achieve without the mental push peers give. But with bad influence, the world turns upside-down. They use codes to trick you into smoking.


Quiz 1:

Which of these phrases are codes to make you smoke?

1) Hey, want to make clouds?
2) Do you want to waste your time studying or smoke so that your can future can be secured?
3) Do you want to make forest fires?

Answer: None of the above.

How can we stop smoking?


a) Take all the cigarettes you have and break it into HALF
b) Throw the halves into the nearest rubbish bin
c) Break the bin into half.

What Is Happening Today

Pupils rush down to meet their friends and to have good smoking sessions. Most of the time, their parents will not be aware of their smoking habit, until the pupils die of thirst. You may already know this but Jay Chou does not.