Dead Cat Found Beside Car

On the 4th of July, a dead cat was found in a car park near blk 456, Jurong East. The cat was lying on the floor and it looked as if it was sleeping but in fact, it is faking.


"The cat is actually dead." says Professor Mikhael Ballack.

The cat which was found at about 3.23pm today was a black cat which has about four legs and two ears. The exact number is not known yet as the cat is yet to receive any autopsy. What is known is that the cat is actually a male. This was because a condom was found near the cat's carcass.

The cause of the death of the cat is yet to be confirmed. It is suspected that Mas Selamat, Singapore's most-wanted terror fugitive who escaped from detention on 27 February 2008, was the killer of the cat.

"I was not sure whether to believe this crap or not, but after examining his hair, it confirmed the findings that he was the killer. He has wavy hair and probably more than three moles on his face. A cat killer indeed."

When interviewed, Mas Selamat said that he was busy eating Nasi Lemak at a nearby coffee shop with his friends. They were talking about Maple Story. Mas Selamat was killing Mushrooms but was "KS-ed" by a guy from Woodlands.


The guy was bombed.

Another suspected cause is that it was killed by a moving car. But after much picture taking of the scene, the photographers can figure out therein that it is not any car's fault. The car that they took the picture of was NOT MOVING. It was sitting on top of the cat.

"I fished out my camera from my left pocket and snapped a picture of a car that was on the cat. I tell you, the car was not moving. If it was moving, the wheels should be turning and there should be a driver inside the car with at least two children, one girl and one boy, and the boy should be reading a storybook. But no, I saw none of it. It was just a stationary car." - Jay Chou


Another suspected cause of death was that the cat was simply... ...old. The heart stopped beating and the cat simply stopped walking and laid itself on the car park. But skeptics have pointed out that there were blood around the carcass of the cat. The counter argument was..

The cat was experiencing menstruation before its death.

Without proper sanitary pads, the cat lost its blood and died.

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What you have read may be nonsense but a Jemaah Islamiah Leader escaping from "prison" is not.


If you see him or even someone that looks like him, call 999 immediately.