Chicken Essense sucks.

"OUR CHOICE."

Ever heard this very useless phrase before with a student smiling while holding a small bottle of chicken essence while smiling at you with a fully tucked in school uniform, hair with slope and neatly combed to the side? Yes. Behold, the chicken essence. It tastes like chicken and it smells like chicken but the difference is that it sucks while real chicken rocks.


How come EVERY top student drinks chicken essence. Isn't that like pure coincidence? Assuming that the chicken essence is a con from the producers, the top students are being paid a high amount of money so that their faces will be shown to the public while another editor writes: "OUR CHOICE." at the side. The advertising SEEMED to work, but it doesn't. It only shows that top students are show offs and that they should be killed. (but then, there would be ANOTHER top student, so we have to keep killing until there are no more students.)


If essence of chicken is so healthy, why isn't chicken healthy? Simple, there are artificial chemicals added to the essence, so it won't taste so bad and the vitamins are just crushed veggies. Protein comes from the chicken itself.

This is a quote from the BRAND's website:

"Question: Can each of my children consume a bottle of Essence of Chicken for Children EVERYDAY? I gave them a bottle every morning before school on weekdays and before tuition on weekends. I was told that giving them everyday will reduce the effect of keeping them alert as it should be given during stressful time like before the examination period. Is this true?

Answer: BRAND's Essence of Chicken is an unique high quality product manufactured by the latest technology under highly hygenic processing conditions. It is an all-natural health food supplement, made from fresh wholesome chicken and contains no fat, no cholesterol, no preservatives, no added msg, no stimulants, no artificial colouring and flavouring. It is also sugar free and low in sodium. BRAND'S Essence of Chicken is a food product and can be consumed daily and should not result in any side effects, withdrawals or addiction. In fact, it is scientifically proven to be efficacious if taken regularly. Scientific research conducted at more than ten universities indicates the BRAND'S Essence of Chicken can reduce fatigue, improve one's mental concentration/alertness and boost the immune system.

We recommend you to consume one bottle of BRAND'S Essence of Chicken daily. BRAND'S Essence of Chicken has been a longstanding and much loved product with a heritage of more than 170 years. Consumer health and well-being is our number one priority. As a product with scientifically proven health benefits, we are confident of the safety and efficacy of our products."

This is the supposed original one, but it was edited so that it would be more "consumer friendly":

"Question: Can each of my children consume a bottle of Essence of Chicken for Children EVERYDAY? I gave them a bottle every morning before school on weekdays and before tuition on weekends. I was told that giving them everyday will reduce the effect of keeping them alert as it should be given during stressful time like before the examination period. Is this true?

Answer: BRAND's Essence of Chicken is a cheap product and everyone can buy it. It is made by squeezing frozen chicken until the ice melts, the melted ice will contain the essence and this will be poured into a small bottle. It contains no fat. It will not make you fat... ... ...since you're already fat.

The product is a food product and can be consumed daily. It should not result in any side effects. If there are side effects, we will not be responsible. It is your own fault that you buy this product.

We recommend you one bottle every few minutes as this will maximize your son's and daughter's health. They may die if they do not consume the essence of chicken.

Essence of chicken may reduce fatigue, why? This is because your child is not exercising while drinking this piece of crap, so he won't feel tired.

To release stress, let us say, your mother died, then, drink chicken essence."