*Lose fats now!*

Seen the pictures of a "lose your fats" advertisement before? Of course you do! Everyone have seen the frowning pictures of a fat woman and smiling pictures of a thinner woman. Obviously, this is to suggest to you that being fat is bad and being thin (and using their services) is good! But that is not true, since fat people are also happy people.

A picture of a happy fat person:


These advertisers are trying to get your money and not make you happy. They are just using their fat-frowning, thin-smiling advertisement to make you feel sad and say: "I am so fat, I must be thin, NOW." It makes you think that you must be thinner to be happy. But NO! There are a lot of benefits when you are fat:

1) When you fall, it is less painful as there are more energy absorbers to absorb the energy that is transferred to your body when you fall, this is why fatter people have a less chance of dying than thin people.

2) You will be able to participate in the sports everyone is talking about.. SUMO! It is a game where you will be pushing another person, and only pushing, until the a person falls off the "ring", which is made of mud from Japan. And of course, you will be able to visit Japan since Sumo is widely available there. You may think that there are Sumo matches everywhere in your school, but those are actually just two fat boys pushing each other in a fight.


3) You will be able to join the TAF club! TAF stands for Trim and Fit, only trim and fit people can join the club. Thus, when you are in the TAF club, you are..

TRIM AND FIT!


Back to the topic.

When advertisers use this tactic to lure you to be thin, they offend you. It is as if they are insulting you and assuming that you are sad to be fat (err, it rhymed). Why should you be sad? I don't understand.

It is easy to lose fat. In fact, there are many ways to lose fat.

1) Use a knife.

Grab a lump of fats, maybe from your arms, take a knife, and slowly/gently cut the fats out. Make sure that you are not cutting your veins or such. Prepare a bowl for blood to slowly pour out from your arms, this will make sure that your mom will not find out that you are cutting yourself. After that, use a plaster to cover the wound on your arm.

After doing all these, rest for 5 minutes, and there would be no more pain.

2) Burning the fats, using a lighter.

Many people have said that they want to "burn" fats. So, how do you burn fats? Simple.

Get a bottle of kerosene from the nearest GIANT supermarket or Sheng Siong supermarket. Pour some kerosene over the fatty parts of your body, take a lighter, and start attempting to light the kerosene. After the kerosene is lighted, your fats will slowly be burnt.

After doing these, rest for 7 minutes, and there would be no more pain. Beware, if you rest for more than 7 minutes, you ... ... ... ... will sleep.

3) Torturing oneself, also known as ... ... exercising.

When you exercising, you are repeatedly shaking the fats of your body. When these fats are shaking vigorous enough, they will fall off your body and splatter to the floor. This is why PE teachers always tell their students to run and do jumping jacks.