Sunday, March 30, 2008

Why smoking is bad.

Smoking is a practice where a substance, most commonly tobacco is burned and inhaled or tasted. I wonder why many people love smoking. Questions by questions run through my mind every single time I see someone wasting money on cigarettes. But we are not here to ask questions.

We are here to answer them.

1) How can someone be tempted to start smoking?

There are many factors that contribute to the temptation of smoking, these include pen sucking, blowing powder and bad influence. To date, pen sucking is the major cause of why people, especially pupils, start smoking.

Pen Sucking? But why..

Here is an experiment that can enable you to understand:

Things you need:
1) Pen
2) Cigarette
3) Lighter
4) A camera, probably Nikon. (This phrase is brought to you by..Nikon - Google Ads)


First step, carry the pen using three fingers, with careful precision, place the pen into your mouth. Take a picture and you will get something like this:


If you see the picture carefully, you will realize that the pen is NOT IN HIS MOUTH. If this happens, throw the pen and buy a longer pen. This is to make the pen longer so that the pen will enter your mouth.

Second step, take the cigarette, set the cigarette on fire, then, place the burning part of the cigarette into your mouth, this will burn your mouth, but don't worry, your saliva will extinguish the fire. Then, take a picture of yourself. It will look something like this:


Now, COMPARE AND CONTRAST. Do they look similar?

1) Of course
2) Duh
3) Aboden
4) All of the above

Answer: All of the answers. (If pupil chooses 5, he is a smoker.)


Yes, looks like I have answered my own question. As you can infer, a pupil is a person that lives in a classroom and goes home once in a while to eat and sleep. There are many pen suckers in school, most notably, Rain and Jay Chou. When they are outside the school, they are unable to suck a pen. To act as a substitute, they use a cigarette (that costs S$12/pack) to satisfy their temptation.


2) Why do people smoke?

People continue smoking because of many reasons. Some reasons include: pregnancy, emo-ism and peer influence. Much of the reason is influence, usually from their peers. Peers, or what we call "friends" are people whom we know, trust and borrow money from. They owe you 4 dollars.

Peers are sources of encouragement. Phrases such as "You can do it!" and "I am eating hot dogs!" pushes the human mind further towards extremes, towards things that we cannot achieve without the mental push peers give. But with bad influence, the world turns upside-down. They use codes to trick you into smoking.


Quiz 1:

Which of these phrases are codes to make you smoke?

1) Hey, want to make clouds?
2) Do you want to waste your time studying or smoke so that your can future can be secured?
3) Do you want to make forest fires?

Answer: None of the above.

How can we stop smoking?


a) Take all the cigarettes you have and break it into HALF
b) Throw the halves into the nearest rubbish bin
c) Break the bin into half.

What Is Happening Today

Pupils rush down to meet their friends and to have good smoking sessions. Most of the time, their parents will not be aware of their smoking habit, until the pupils die of thirst. You may already know this but Jay Chou does not.

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Monday, March 17, 2008

Part 2 of the Mas Selemat Series: How is he able to survive this long?

Name: Mas Selamat Bin Kastari
Gender: Male
Sex: Male
IC number: Undisclosed
Birthday: 1 April 1992
Job: Terrorist
Height: Very short
BMI: 25.6
Race: We are not racist.
Blood type: Red
Hobby: Limping on his left leg
Ambition: A better terrorist
Goals in life: None
CCA: TAF club

Many Singaporeans are still baffled — why is Mas Selamat still alive? He is supposed to be dead by now, but his corpse is nowhere to be found! That means that he is still alive, obviously. But the question is HOW is he able to survive this long? Let us find out.

Money

1) Busking at Orchard


To earn money, he goes around with his guitar and play terrorist songs such as: "We are dead", "Let us die together" and "Bombing is fun". How has he managed to keep his identity? He use Transition lenses. When there is a policeman near him, the lenses will turn to BLACK, but when there is none, it will be crystal clear.


2) Begging

Begging is by far the fastest and easiest way to get money. You can beg from your father, mother, sister, friend or even from other beggars. Begging requires almost no talent, no skill and no effort. The only thing you need is a very thick skin (in literary terms) and a money holder which can come in any form: Bowls, bottles, hands, other people's hands and even an EZ-Link card that can store monetary value.


Clothes

1) He wears hot pants

You must be asking me why the hell will be wearing hot pants.

But first, let me explain what "hot pants" refers to. It refers to a long pants that is made shorter by half. THEN, a guy will cut the "half" into another half. THEN, Mas Selamat will cut the already halved half long pants by a few inches. The result will be a hot pants.


Anyway, back to the topic.

The reason why he wears hot pants is because hot pants require significantly less material to manufacture. This means that instead of having 1 long trousers, he can have FOUR hot pants. These will last him four times as long.


Also, another good thing about hot pants is that his movement will not be as restricted as how it will be if he wore long trousers. Do note that it is indecent and disgusting for Mas Selamat to wear a hot pants as the amount of skin exposed is more than the amount of litter left behind by a tourist in Afghanistan.

Keeping his Identity

1) Use a mask and walk around.

Yes, without a mask, EVERYONE will know that he is Mas Selamat. But, with a mask, no one knows his identity. He can go into a shop, buy donuts and eat the donuts without hindrance. He can rob a bank, kill someone, then goes out of the bank and change his mask into another mask, and his identity will still be kept secret.


Smart people (people other than you) will ask me: But he is limping on his left leg, surely, someone will notice it, so how is he going to still keep his identity safe?

My answer..

2) Use a mask and ride a bicycle.


When you ride a bicycle, you cannot limp on your left leg. These are the pros and cons of using a bicycle when you are supposed to be limping on your left leg.

Pros
  1. The public will not recognize you.
  2. You don't have to limp on your left leg.
  3. It is faster to cycle.
Cons
  1. Since you can't really use your left leg, you will lose your balance and fall.
  2. It will then result in BOTH of your leg limping.
  3. Then, it is slower to walk with both of your leg limping.

_______________________________

What you have read may be nonsense but a Jemaah Islamiah Leader escaping from prison is not.


If you see him or even someone that looks like him, call 999 immediately.

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Tuesday, March 04, 2008

JI Singapore Division Leader Mas Selamat bin Kastari escaped

What the hell.

In the recent Prison Break episode (always "first" on Channel 5), a Jemaah Islamiah leader escaped from the Singapore Detention Center. Many viewers were stunned. Why is such an interesting episode made up? Isn't Prison Break supposed to be a serial drama where a guy escaped a prison by bribing an officer US$50? No, this is one the most anticipated Prison Break episode ever, winning 3 Grammy awards and 5 Oscars.


In this episode, Jemaah Islamiyah (JI) detainee Mas Selamat bin Kastari escaped from the Whitley Road Detention Centre at 4:05 pm on 27 Feb 2008. Mas Selamat was the leader of the Singapore JI network. He walks with a limp and is presently at large. He is not known to be armed. Extensive police resources have been deployed to track him down.


Viewers were stunned again. Who was the actor? Is it Britney Spears non-bald version? Is it Jay Chou? Here, the webmaster of lifeaintsosimple.blogspot.com interviews him:

EnEn: Are you the fugitive?
Jay Chou: I am a singer, not a fugitive.
EnEn: Is your nickname Mas Selamat?
Jay Chou: Of course not.
EnEn: Why?
Jay Chou: My mother, Ms Chou, didn't like the name. She actually wanted to name me "Jay walk", but a group of really-desperate girls protested against it.
EnEn: That is really unfortunate. Okay, bye, I do not want to see your face anymore. Anyway, there are a lot of really-desperate girls behind you now.


The episode employed extreme advertising. One of these was to really make the whole of a nation think that a terrorist has escaped from a local prison. Many posters were put up around Singapore to tell viewers when the episode will be broadcasted.

These are some places where he could really be hiding.

1) In a girls toilet.

A female toilet usually consists of three cubicles, no urinals, 5 sinks, a very long queue and a group of girls. If he is inside a girl's toilet, no policeman will go in to find him, this is because he is a boy and usually the policemen themselves are males, so they can't go in.

2) Inside a prison.

He escaped from prison. So, no one will search the prisons for him. Thus, by hiding in a prison while escaping from prison, he can avoid any form of suspicion by any person in Singapore. That is the prove.


3) In his house.

After a tiring walk from the prison, he will take a 851 bus home using his EZ-Link which has a concession pass for buses. Then, he will take his key from his wallet, go into his house, and sleep. See the logic?

Yes, I will not tell you anymore about this episode. Watch it on Channel 5.

____________________________________
What you have read may be nonsense but a Jemaah Islamiah Leader escaping from prison is not.


If you see him or even someone that looks like him, call 999 immediately.

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