Part 2 of the Mas Selemat Series: How is he able to survive this long?

Name: Mas Selamat Bin Kastari
Gender: Male
Sex: Male
IC number: Undisclosed
Birthday: 1 April 1992
Job: Terrorist
Height: Very short
BMI: 25.6
Race: We are not racist.
Blood type: Red
Hobby: Limping on his left leg
Ambition: A better terrorist
Goals in life: None
CCA: TAF club

Many Singaporeans are still baffled — why is Mas Selamat still alive? He is supposed to be dead by now, but his corpse is nowhere to be found! That means that he is still alive, obviously. But the question is HOW is he able to survive this long? Let us find out.

Money

1) Busking at Orchard


To earn money, he goes around with his guitar and play terrorist songs such as: "We are dead", "Let us die together" and "Bombing is fun". How has he managed to keep his identity? He use Transition lenses. When there is a policeman near him, the lenses will turn to BLACK, but when there is none, it will be crystal clear.


2) Begging

Begging is by far the fastest and easiest way to get money. You can beg from your father, mother, sister, friend or even from other beggars. Begging requires almost no talent, no skill and no effort. The only thing you need is a very thick skin (in literary terms) and a money holder which can come in any form: Bowls, bottles, hands, other people's hands and even an EZ-Link card that can store monetary value.


Clothes

1) He wears hot pants

You must be asking me why the hell will be wearing hot pants.

But first, let me explain what "hot pants" refers to. It refers to a long pants that is made shorter by half. THEN, a guy will cut the "half" into another half. THEN, Mas Selamat will cut the already halved half long pants by a few inches. The result will be a hot pants.


Anyway, back to the topic.

The reason why he wears hot pants is because hot pants require significantly less material to manufacture. This means that instead of having 1 long trousers, he can have FOUR hot pants. These will last him four times as long.


Also, another good thing about hot pants is that his movement will not be as restricted as how it will be if he wore long trousers. Do note that it is indecent and disgusting for Mas Selamat to wear a hot pants as the amount of skin exposed is more than the amount of litter left behind by a tourist in Afghanistan.

Keeping his Identity

1) Use a mask and walk around.

Yes, without a mask, EVERYONE will know that he is Mas Selamat. But, with a mask, no one knows his identity. He can go into a shop, buy donuts and eat the donuts without hindrance. He can rob a bank, kill someone, then goes out of the bank and change his mask into another mask, and his identity will still be kept secret.


Smart people (people other than you) will ask me: But he is limping on his left leg, surely, someone will notice it, so how is he going to still keep his identity safe?

My answer..

2) Use a mask and ride a bicycle.


When you ride a bicycle, you cannot limp on your left leg. These are the pros and cons of using a bicycle when you are supposed to be limping on your left leg.

Pros

1. The public will not recognize you.
2. You don't have to limp on your left leg.
3. It is faster to cycle.

Cons

1. Since you can't really use your left leg, you will lose your balance and fall.
2. It will then result in BOTH of your leg limping.
3. Then, it is slower to walk with both of your leg limping.

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What you have read may be nonsense but a Jemaah Islamiah Leader escaping from prison is not.


If you see him or even someone that looks like him, call 999 immediately.