Cute?

There's this assumption that "cute= adorable AND ugly".

If the above statement is true, then cute should be an insult, which isn't.
And what happens to people who are pretty and cute?

Wikipedia:
"Cuteness is a delicate and attractive kind of beauty commonly associated with youth and innocence. Human infants and many baby animals define "cuteness" for most people, and the standard characteristics of infancy are typically used to judge the cuteness of other phenomena (for example, plush toys or adult animals). Cute animals and humans instill a desire to care."

dictionary.com:
"Attractive, esp. in a dainty way; pleasingly pretty."

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Cute is not adorable and ugly. Cute is adorable correct. But not ugly. It doesn't mean that the person who you saw is cute and ugly means that cute is also ugly. It just means 1 thing:
the person is ugly.

This begs the question: Who is the person who spread this shit? I mean, how do people even come up with the thought that "cute= adorable and UGLY"? TNL users. TNL users are stupid. Just look at how many of them fail to write proper sentences everyday. Who the hell can't write properly? How much effort does it take anyway? 37?

Oh no, English? Buy a dictionary.

Horoscope.

What's your sign? Nah, it doesn't matter. Horoscopes are stupid. We are all living in the 21st century. In case you guys don't realize it, the Earth is now modernized. There are no longer walking monkeys in the streets. Most of us now know that the Earth is round and we also know that our sun is actually a star in our solar system. The other stars belong to other solar systems.

But amongst us, there are people who believes that by looking at stars on earth, we can predict people's future, love-life, finance, past, not forgetting the fact that they are able to give suggestion to what you must do in order to evade the incoming mishap.















I read my horoscope for today. It says this:
Your finances look as though they'll improve today, but in terms of your personal relationships you'll need to watch what you say, especially this evening, when someone close will be counting on you to be reliable. If you can avoid any last minute changes to your evening plans!

What about my finances? How will it improve when I'm not even working? Evening plans? You mean to sleep? Horoscopes are shitty. Do not believe in them. Hell, they come from the same generation as when people thought that the earth is flat and the sun is a god on the move.

Now comes the interesting part. Since I said that horoscope are absurd, why did [INSERT EVENT THAT HAPPENED] occurred as stated in my daily horoscope?

Did it ever come to you that a person invented the word ''coincidence'' not just for fun? And since some people believe in horoscope, they analyze every word that the horoscope showed, and even if it isn't true at all, the person will force himself to believe there is. as a result, shit comes out.

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Instead of believing in the horoscope, why not believe in the enenscope? Its accuracy is far greater than the horoscope. Below is the enenscope for today, 21th April 2007.

Aries
You will experience a feeling that you have felt before. today, 21th April 2007, your girlfriend/boyfriend (if you have one) might (x% chance, where x is an unknown between 0 to 100) kiss you. You will also eat.

Taurus
You will wake up after you sleep, and feel tremendously sleepy if you have not slept enough. adrenaline may be pumping in you as you anticipate for this evening's event: dinner.

Gemini
You are evil to a certain extent. You might make friends with a stranger today.

Cancer
You might get cancer.

Leo
Some people think you are a lion while others, human.

Virgo
Feelings of greatness may be experienced. Your finances may go down/up by tomorrow.

Libra
NIL.

Scorpio
You may be involved in staying alive. However, do not count on it. It may be a prank made by
your peers.

Sagittarius
You have a chance of having sex today, where the % of the chance is undefined or otherwise, not known.

Capricorn
You will find it hard to break a boulder with your bare hands compared to using a crane to lift
one up..then drop it.

Aquarius
Today marks an important day in your life, just like any other days.

Pisces
You should promote http://lifeaintsosimple.blogspot.com.

True Files.

Welcome to True Files. You may be wondering what is True Files. Well, True Files tells you of what things should have been like instead of what some adults said (also known as liars). Yes. Lies that fairy tales have told, all of them are harmful to the willful minds of little children. True Files gives you the result you want, that is:

1) Straight to the point
2) Accurate in judgment
3) Evidence supporting

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(True Files) Fairy tale 1: Rapunzel



In this fairy tale, a girl with extremely long hair combs her hair everyday until she gets napped by a witch who transported her up into a castle forever. Never mind the fact that her hair will drag along the floor as she walk everyday as her hair is too long, which will lead to damaged hair, she is still pretty(according to the writer).



Later, a prince came and saw that she was trapped. The prince tried to climb her damaged hair and as a result, more hair fell off and due the the weight of the prince, Rapunzel's head broke off, and the prince died a bloody death.

The moral of the story:
Girls shouldn't keep hair longer than 5cm.
Boys shouldn't think that hairs are ropes.

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(True Files) Fairy tale 2: Little Red Riding Hood

0% similarity.

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One fine day, Little Red Riding Hood decided to visit her grandmother. Later did she knew that her grandmother had been eaten by a wolf a week ago and has been digested throughly and turned into wolf shit.

Upon reaching her grandmother's house, she knocked on the door. The wolf barked in her sweetest growl "COME IN DARLING". The naive little girl then proceed to tell the wolf what she saw.

Grandmother, what sharp teeth you have!
Grandmother, what hairy body you have!
Grandmother, what sharp nose you have!
Grandmother, what brown skin you have!
Grandmother, what deep voice you have!

Then it happened. The wolf went for a huge bite off the little girl, and tore her arm off in the process. Somehow or rather, the wolf got a stomach upset and the little girl's grandmother was free from the wolf's stomach at last, in the form of shit.

Bringing TNL to a whole new level.

Remember my post on The New Language, aka TNL? A quote from my post:

I have discovered that many people uses TNL in blogs, diarys and in fact anything that requires you to write English. It is a language ONLY used by singaporeans, mostly teens, and are usually females.

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I was right for all of the above, except for the fact that I didn't know boys would use it on their crush/girlfriend. Or rather I did not state it in my post. But the worse thing is, I did not expect boys to write notes to girlfriends using TNL. Do you?

Please click on the image.

This letter which I found just brought TNL to a whole new level of bullshit. This is what I mean by TNL: Utter nonsense. Try writing TNL in your GCE O levels. I believe the old man in cambridge marking your test paper will choke on his lit cigar and die. Talk about being inconsiderate.

The words written in black is believed to be written by a girl while the one written in blue, a boy.

Can you sense your hair on your arms standing? And a voice inside you growing stronger and stronger and just when you reach "Don't talk to you liao..=P", you scream "WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS SHIT!".

"Dont talk to you liao..=P" is pointless. It's main purpose is to flirt, but I predict those two are boy girl friends already. So why flirt? I instill sexual feelings? Just go and have sex lah. It's more thrilling I believe. No need to flirt. Do not beat around the bush lah.

And the bloody bapok's reply is bloody bapok. "you also bad help ben don't help me der..he kept scolding me lor..sad sad..someone don't care for me ler..(T.T)<-(merry[insert smiley])Muackz..LOVE YOU!". There is one thing i must remind people here. 'Muackz' online doesn't work. You want to kiss, you kiss. Don't be a retard and write MUACKS! SMOOCHIES! HUGS! No one can feel it.

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How to write a proper note.

Girl's text:

Dear boyfriend,
I am writing this letter to inform you that i will not be calling you "hey" any longer. Instead, i will be calling you "dar". Don't you feel that i am an obedient girl? My apologies, when you were having a headache, i was not able to take care of you. I feel terrible about it.

Are you still having a headache? Are you still experiencing immense pain? My heart throbs at the thought of you not talking to me. I am very sad, and am currently having English lesson. Oh, Ben informed me that you were speaking ill of me when you two chatted on the phone. What insolence, calling me petty. I am not going to talk to you any longer.

Yours sincerely,
Girlfriend

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Boy's reply

Dear Girlfriend,
My reply to your letter would be that if you are already used to calling me by whatever name there is, I will not mind at all. And I'm still currently experiencing great pain from my headache, but it's alright, do not worry. I did not talk to as you were chatting with your friend already, and i did not want to be a light bulb, very sorry about that.

Oh, the only negative comment i gave to Ben about you is that you are petty, and nothing else. You are also bad. You offer help to Ben but not me, whom is your boyfriend. Are you aware that he never stopped scolding me? I feel disappointed and sad. However, i want to kiss you to let you know that I love you.

By the way, what did BiaBin tell you?

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This is the way they should have wrote.

How to cheer people up in a hospital.

First of all, if you do not like this post, I don't care. I'm not going to remove it because of you.

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The official http://lifeaintsosimple.blogspot.com guide to cheer people up in the hospital.

This guide teaches you 3 ways to cheer people up, and become an ass. Your behavior is of utmost important. After you have finished reading this guide, you will have at least 80% of the knowledge of how to cheer people up in the hospital.

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1) COVER THE BLANKET.


























Saw a paralyzed person? What should you do? How about..talking to him? Or cleaning him using a warm, moist towel? DON'T. When you see a paralyzed victim, cover the blanket up, especially when you notice people are coming to visit him. When his/her relatives cry, you tell them ''I COVERED THE BLANKET FOR FUN, HAHAHA!''. His relatives will have a good laugh.

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2) "I'm fit and healthy. How about you?"













Went to a ward full of sickly patients? Those who are suffering from deficiencies? How about telling them how fit you are and that you are able to attend school normally? If they have any limps missing, just remind them that you have (insert amount) more than them.

If they have any fingers missing, ask them to count one to ten using fingers. Finally, you record yourself saying 'I'm fit and healthy' in a recorder, place it in the ward, switch to the maximum volume and leave it to play continuously. The victim will definitely chuckle.

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3) OFF THE SWITCH.













1st, find such a patient shown above. When you have found one, tell a joke or a story (anything will do) to the person.

(1) When the patient is not listening to you, switch off the power to his supply of oxygen and say "I'm not going to turn it on until you laugh."
(2) After the person laughs, switch it on again and continue your story/joke (provided he/she is laughing). When the patient is caught not laughing, switch it off again.
(3) Repeat step (1) and (2) as many times as possible. The victim will laugh to death.

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If any of you tried the above out. Tell me.

April Fool's Day.

This blog will be probably dead for like weeks until my new computer is fixed. Really no time to blog. No more crap, no more nonsense, the end is here. In fact, the end is only about 5 meters away from me, as proved by the following diagram:














Now, to the more interesting part of my post.

Why do people do pranks and stuff on April Fool's Day?

Because it is a good excuse. After tricking your teacher or whoever, just say that it is April Fool's Day. Most of the time, they won't get angry or hate you. Am I right? Of course. Which make me oh so happy. For 24 hours of all the 365 days times 24 hours = 8760 hours, I can almost prank anyone legally!

I have some good prank call scenario if you want to prank others.

1) Call a girl you know that have parents that would hate it if she had a boyfriend, call her home when she is out, then, tell the person who picked up the phone that you are her boyfriend and wait for results.

2) Same for the above mentioned, but now, tell the person that she is pregnant.

3) I will explain this with an example:

EnEn: Hello, may I speak to James Teo?
Someone that is not James (guy): Erm, I think you've got the wrong number.
EnEn: I called this number before and it's James, don't fuck with me.
Someone: Serious.
EnEn: Shut up, you stupid fuck.
Someone: Sorry.
EnEn: "Happy" April Fool's Day!

Basically, just make the person who picked up the phone feel stupid. That is why april fool's day exist.