Valentine's Day

On this day, many crushes will be crushed.

As in, on this day, many couples will be created. From all walks of life, nerdy, sexy, show-off, bossy or shitty people, all of these people will "stead" (a really silly word, by the way) or marry today. The amount of shotgun "steads" created on this day will be prodigiously huge.


Why is this day so special?

No, it is not special. It is not a public holiday nor it is a school holiday. Not many people know what Valentine's Day is all about, that includes me. All they do is give gifts and say: "Happy Valentine's Day". Some do not even know that is spelt as "Valentine's" and not "Valentines".

Yes, it makes a good excuse to give something to someone you really like on this day. A convenient excuse (or "reason"), I shall say. The thing about this day is that it may not be so special for your loved one after all. You may be giving her something, but three/four/five other people may also be giving her/him something. This will dilute the effect that you want to give to her/him.

I know. I am being extremely utilitarian. But..life is a roller-coaster.

I saw many people giving away roses in school. Why roses? Roses will wither and die a horrible death, probably thrown into a disposal or the petals will slowly detach, giving the rose a slow and painful death. Roses are impractical. Look at it, is there anything that we can do to it that will make it useful? You can't replant it, we are in Singapore, we don't have enough land. Also, do you know that roses have thorns that can kill? Do you want to be convicted for murder? Obviously not. So why are you giving your loved ones roses?

Okay, that's all there is for this week.

School is overwhelmingly overwhelming.

Another New Year has Arrived

Year after year, people from around the world, mainly the Chinese, celebrates what they call the "Chinese New Year". Many of these people are superstitious, but, that is wrong. They are not superstitious, they are being practical. Sweeping the floor, opening of the windows, etc. is actually useful before Chinese New Year.

1) Opening windows and/or doors is considered to bring in the good luck of the new year.

Of course. When you open the windows and doors, rich people such as Bill Gates are able to enter your house and give you money. They will also give you an Xbox 360 along with Dead or Alive Extreme Beach Volleyball 2 and a three month subscription to Xbox Live. If the doors are closed, how the hell are these people going to give you good luck?

2) Sweets are eaten to ensure the consumer a "sweet" year.

If you eat sweets, your year would be "sweet". This pattern also leads to many other truths. If you eat Fish Curry, you will get a "Fish Curry" year. So, when Chinese New Year is coming, do not eat anything else but SWEETS.

3) Some believe that what happens on the first day of the new year reflects the rest of the year to come. Asians will often gamble at the beginning of the year, hoping to get luck and prosperity.

Yes, what you do on the first day of the year will reflect the rest of the year to come. When Asians gamble at the beginning of the year, they get luck and prosperity. This also means that they will be gambling for 365 days straight without stopping, as they gambled on the first day of the year.

4) Buying a pair of shoes is considered bad luck amongst some Chinese. The word "shoes" is a homophone for the word for "rough" in Cantonese, or "evil" in Mandarin.

Also, buying clothes will also bring bad luck because the word "clothes" is a homophone for the word for "your-mother-die". When you buy clothes during the New Year, your mother will die.

5) Sweeping the floor is usually forbidden on the first day, as it will sweep away the good fortune and luck for the new year.

Instead, you should VACUUM the floor during the first day as it will COLLECT the good fortune and good fortune will be literally STORED in the VACUUM BAG. When you need good fortune, OPEN THE VACUUM BAG and the good fortune will COME OUT.

Then, eat the good fortune.

6) "Avoid clothes in black and white, as black is a symbol of bad luck, and white is a traditional funeral colour."

Learnt in primary 6, black surfaces are a good absorber of heat. When you wear black, there will be enough heat in the cloth to actually burn it and does, all your family members will die; including you. Also, do not wear white. White surfaces are good reflectors of heat. When you reflect heat to your friends, your friends will catch fire, instantly killing them. Certainly.

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Alright, that is all.

Happy Chinese New Year everyone.
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The Chinese New Year practices here are taken from wikipedia.org. Everything after the first sentence of every point is mine.