Tertiary Education: Which is the best? [P2]

After the O levels, where are you going to go? ITE, JC, Poly or toilet? If my bladder is full, I will go to the toilet.

Let me introduce you.. ITE or those who speak Chinese: 工艺教育学院


ITE is the place for people who want to change yourselves from a person who is wearing a normal outfit into a person who is wearing a UNIFORM! This can be done by putting two hand side by side, with eight fingers pointing upwards and the thumbs perpendicular to the fingers and the two thumbs are touching each other.

This great feat was shown some time back on television, but was removed because it was very difficult for others to do it. They replaced the advertisement with something else more fun and easier to be done, such as studying and eating apples.

The ITE is the only institution that has direct application to being a doctor, an occupation everyone in Singapore want to have.


Why is this good? Because you don't have to go to University. In a university, they train you be me Miss Universe. Miss Universe is just a distraction, it is full of girls who are not rich and do not have money to buy the necessary cloth to cover important parts of the human body.


For the boys, they are trained to be Mr Universe.


ITE? Now.

Skinny Jeans: The Series Part 1

(When I mean skinny, I also mean "tapered" jeans, since there is not much difference between the two)

Ever heard of SKINNY jeans? They are jeans that are very.. skinny. Skinny jeans first appeared in Peninsula shopping mall in 2007, just recently, when a shop owner, who was a cheapskate, had not enough Denim to make jeans, so he secretly make the jeans thinner and trick many "mat reps" or other innocent people into buying the very tight jeans.

After a few hours of walking, Mohd Roslan (this is not his real name, his real name is worse than this name) realized that the jeans he was wearing is super tight! He felt cheated. But he had no choice, the skinny jeans he had was the only jeans he had.

So he went out to City Hall to complain (with the skinny jeans), when suddenly..


And this particular event sparked the "skinny jeans" trend, which is of course, lame and stupid. Skinny jeans are extremely skinny, it is extremely difficult for one to wear them. On the last count, it took about 23 minutes for a "mat rep" to change from PE shorts to skinny jeans.

This explains why "mat reps" are always late for school, this is what they do every morning, taking note that their school starts at 7.30am:


Let us stop talking about them.

Next, what is so bad about wearing skinny jeans/pants?

1) They compress your muscles legs, and thus, it is more difficult for you to "gain" muscles.

When you look at those who wear skinny jeans, do you realize that their legs do not have the shape of their muscles on their legs. This is because, the jeans are squeezing their legs, and this could lower the supply of oxygen to their legs, thus, rendering their legs useless.

2) If their pants are not stretchable, they will not be able to bend down.

What is so bad about not being able to bend down? You can't pick up stuffs from the floor:


3) Skinny jeans tend to further reiterate that being fat is bad, and being thin is good.

When you wear your skinny jeans, you make other less thin people sad and this may encourage them to commit suicide.


But that is good, because the opposite of skinny jeans is actually:


Alright, stay tuned for the next part for this series.

(When I looked at the 4th picture again, I almost thought that it was a plant, but no, it is not)

Sony vs Microsoft. [P3]

PART 3? What the hell! This is NOT a planned part. This series is supposed to end at part 2. But due to me not ending the series, I have to END.. this.. series..

Nintendo Wii is warming up. Xbox 360, the top seller is dominating the scene. But guess what, PS3 have their own plans! They are going to make a revolution. It is.. their PSP slim and lite. Take note that it was supposed to be "light" not "lite", but "lite" was more style-lo, so they chose that instead. This PSPSAL is:

Slimmer and, Litter, as in, lighter than the original PSP, which was obese. Now, the PSPSAL is fat, not obese.

This is the differences between the original and the Slim&Lite:
______________________

Original PSP:

Music Playback.
Video Playback.
Ability to surf the internet via Wifi.
Portable, it is smaller than a refrigerator.

The PSP Slim&Lite:

Can play games.
______________________

Bill Gates was shocked! Not only did the Japanese not know how to cook, they also created the PSP Slim&Lite! After rapping some vulgarities, Microsoft finally created..

HELLO 3:

It is one of the best shooter games ever. Not only can you shoot other aliens, but you can also reload your weapon! WOW! Hello 3 reached record sales with US$170 million on its opening day!


But hey, Nintendo Wii is NOT scared. Why? They have their Nintendo Dual Screen. It is selling at a faster rate than the Sony Playstation Portable, but most importantly, they have..TWO screens! This is an illustration on why Nintendo DS is always the best:


What is so good about having two screens? It is based on the Height Theorem.

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The Height Theorem:

The top screen is for taller people, while the screen at the below is for shorter people.

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Anyway, do you know that the bottom screen of the Nintendo DS is a touch sensor? It knows where you are touching! But only when you're touching the screen, duh. It works similar to the Nintendo Wii.

(Remember the picture on how you use the Wii controller?)

Picture link: Link 1

Now, this is the tutorial on how to use.. the Nintendo DS!


Nintendo DS was a revolutionary idea, and Nintendo was back in the gaming industry. With that, comes the ending of this series.

Sad, but life.. is a roller coaster.

*Lose fats now!*

Seen the pictures of a "lose your fats" advertisement before? Of course you do! Everyone have seen the frowning pictures of a fat woman and smiling pictures of a thinner woman. Obviously, this is to suggest to you that being fat is bad and being thin (and using their services) is good! But that is not true, since fat people are also happy people.

A picture of a happy fat person:


These advertisers are trying to get your money and not make you happy. They are just using their fat-frowning, thin-smiling advertisement to make you feel sad and say: "I am so fat, I must be thin, NOW." It makes you think that you must be thinner to be happy. But NO! There are a lot of benefits when you are fat:

1) When you fall, it is less painful as there are more energy absorbers to absorb the energy that is transferred to your body when you fall, this is why fatter people have a less chance of dying than thin people.

2) You will be able to participate in the sports everyone is talking about.. SUMO! It is a game where you will be pushing another person, and only pushing, until the a person falls off the "ring", which is made of mud from Japan. And of course, you will be able to visit Japan since Sumo is widely available there. You may think that there are Sumo matches everywhere in your school, but those are actually just two fat boys pushing each other in a fight.


3) You will be able to join the TAF club! TAF stands for Trim and Fit, only trim and fit people can join the club. Thus, when you are in the TAF club, you are..

TRIM AND FIT!


Back to the topic.

When advertisers use this tactic to lure you to be thin, they offend you. It is as if they are insulting you and assuming that you are sad to be fat (err, it rhymed). Why should you be sad? I don't understand.

It is easy to lose fat. In fact, there are many ways to lose fat.

1) Use a knife.

Grab a lump of fats, maybe from your arms, take a knife, and slowly/gently cut the fats out. Make sure that you are not cutting your veins or such. Prepare a bowl for blood to slowly pour out from your arms, this will make sure that your mom will not find out that you are cutting yourself. After that, use a plaster to cover the wound on your arm.

After doing all these, rest for 5 minutes, and there would be no more pain.

2) Burning the fats, using a lighter.

Many people have said that they want to "burn" fats. So, how do you burn fats? Simple.

Get a bottle of kerosene from the nearest GIANT supermarket or Sheng Siong supermarket. Pour some kerosene over the fatty parts of your body, take a lighter, and start attempting to light the kerosene. After the kerosene is lighted, your fats will slowly be burnt.

After doing these, rest for 7 minutes, and there would be no more pain. Beware, if you rest for more than 7 minutes, you ... ... ... ... will sleep.

3) Torturing oneself, also known as ... ... exercising.

When you exercising, you are repeatedly shaking the fats of your body. When these fats are shaking vigorous enough, they will fall off your body and splatter to the floor. This is why PE teachers always tell their students to run and do jumping jacks.

Miracle healers?

I remember that when I was young, I was easily impressed by "miracles healers" who could perform great feats such as curing someone who has contracted a terminal illness, bringing the dead back to life, etc. I was really impressed by them and wanted to be like them so that I could save myself and others from the misery.

However, this soon got me into thinking: are all these "miracles" created really that helpful? If you were to bring someone back to life, does that mean that he/she need not die in the future? NO! In fact you have to die TWO TIMES! Dying once is already so much suffering, you can imagine how painful it is to die TWICE.

It becomes evident that all these miracle men are not solving the root of the problem. They may stave off temporary problems, but they cannot solve the real problem. They may cure you of cancer, but you still have to die one day. And when this day arrives, can they still save you?

Actually, what causes all these suffering is not the sickness of the body, but the sickness of the mind. Being sick is not scary, what it is scary is "fear of sickness". Dying is not scary, what it is scary is the"fear of death". "What causes all these problems are not sickness or death, but the "fear of sickness and death". If you were not afraid of sickness or death, then it wouldn't matter if you had cancer or not. You would still remain happy and be contented despite of your worsening physical conditions!

Hence, curing the sickness of the body, does not solve the problem. It only help to relieve our suffering temporarily. And after a while the problem would resurface again. Therefore, to truly solve the root of the problem is to cure the sickness of the mind and not the sickness of the body only. It is not about curing sickness , but most importantly, curing the "fear of sickness". It is not about escaping death, but more about facing death. Only through this way, can our suffering truly be cured.

I then came into a conclusion: The only kind of "miracle healers" who truly deserves our respect is not someone who could save you from death, but someone who could teach you how to face death. This kind of "miracle healers" , cannot cure you of cancer, neither can they save you from death. However, they can cure you of your "fear of sickness and death". This kind of miracle though mundane on the outside, but is actually a miracle much more impressive and much more helpful to mankind.


P.S: Although I am still unable to cure myself of "the fear of sickness and death", but I am working towards it. Maybe one day I will meet a TRUE miracle man who could teach me how to be one too.

Why wear a tie?

Why do we wear a tie? Why? Ask me.

A tie is a piece of cloth wrapped around your neck, sometimes, there will be a long flap of unwanted cloth, this will be let loose to hang and hide all the buttons of your uniform. There is no practical use of the tie. 24 hours of the day, the tie will just move left, move right, sway a bit forward, fly over your shoulder and hit your face. This is very common if the person is running. It would be more common if the person hold the tie and throw it in his face, in this way, the tie will really hit his face.

This is a 3 dimensional model of a tie:


By wearing a tie, the person will look more FORMAL. I don't really agree with this, since, the only thing the tie do is to be wrapped around the neck and making me sweat around that area, PLUS, almost choking me.


Tie is by far one of the most shameful thing to wear. Why? This is a scenario: Imagine you are fat, or obese (it is easier to imagine this if you are already fat.) and you are wearing a tie. If your belly is very big, the tie will EMPHASIZE the shape of your belly!


You don't want THAT to happen would you? That is right. Authorities after authorities have told their inferiors to wear a tie.

Even worse: How do you TIE a TIE? Do you:

Wrapped it around the neck?
Tie a thumb knot?
Ribbon?

You are not sure? Of course, no one is certain. A tie is just a piece of cloth that can be used for anything! From wrapping Nasi Lemak to tying it around a PSP so it will hang around your neck..the possibilities are endless.

And you just wasted your time reading the post. Thanks for reading.