How subjects taught in school benefit us: CME

Why do we learn CME? Is it because we are not morally upright? Wahlau eh, I feel so insulted, but I think CME is unnecessary; we are in a world where ah bengs and ah lians walk like monkeys, smoke like never before and fail every test, getting the highest L1R5 in the country with 6F9's. Students shout at their teacher with the top of their voice and even doing the most dangerous thing ever thought from man:

Walking across the parade square when there is a lightning warning!

That is why CME exists. CME is important, it is the acronym for "Civics and moral education" which is equal to "Common sense and Manners Education".

So let us go back to the conversation the stupid and clever guy had.

Stupid guy: Eh, why did I retain last year? I passed every subject, including English, Math and PE!

Clever guy: Because, you failed CME.

Stupid guy: It is THAT important?

Clever guy: Yeah! Do you know why your father is not caning you right now for being late for dinner by three hours? Because he got A1 for his CME.


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Here are some common questions for your CME examination:

1) If your teacher starts shouting vulgarities, what should you do?

Based on my pass experiences and academic research, I should start shouting vulgarities at him or her because he is going against a school rule, further more, he is wearing ankle socks, which is said to NOT protect your feet from danger, such as... ...strings.

2) Your friend told you to be late for dinner, what will you do?

a) Tell him to go up the nearest roof, and jump down
b) Bash him up
c) Call the police
d) Tell him that he should respect my decision to come home early for dinner, as one should be polite to a mother and thus, this is the correct answer.

My answer: b.


3) Fill in the blanks:

He lied because he has no h____.

My answer: air.


Tune in for part 3.

The hand series: The index finger

The index finger is like an arrow. It directs others to a certain direction, even unconscionably. With the mighty finger, politicians have controlled democracy, ruled the kingdom and even, poke his friend's butt. Do you know that President Kennedy of America was shot because he does not have an index finger? Of course not, it's not true, I wrote that statement so you would be interested.


The index finger have been used by champions alike, meaning "one", referring to as, "being first". I don't know why they like it so much, first of all, the index finger is thinner than the THUMB, second, the index finger can never grow longer than 4 inches!

The index finger can also do combos, which is another word for combination. This is one such combo:

1) Insert INDEX finger into nose.
2) Using the nail, move around, and find some hidden treasures, such as potential fertilisers and of course, the S-word, which I won't type out because my blog is clean and contains no vulgarities (but, seriously?).
3) Using the finger, FLICK off the treasure, but it requires the THUMB, so this is out of syllabus and will only be explained next time on "The hand series: The thumb".

FAQ:

1) Why is the index finger called the index finger?

Because, the finger is situated in between the middle finger and the thumb, the smallest finger is called the pinky finger, but it's not pink, and don't ask me why.

2) Why is the index finger always almost as long as the RING finger?

Because, the Creator of life, copied and paste the same file over to his Photoshop CS2. Furthermore, I believe that this is a stupid question because your question contains more than 12 words.

Where do we come from?

By reading this post, you agree that this post does not insult anything. It is just crap.
"Where do we come from?". This question has been asked by millions of people that lived thousands of years ago and till now, people are still looking for the answer. The reason why people are so curious about this is because all of us wants to know how we come by to such intelligent beasts.



Since then, countless theories have been formed. Here are some of the most famous ones.

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Einstein Theory of monkeys.

Countless experiments have been made just to get a definite answer for this particular question, although the answer will not benefit us in any significant ways.



Albert Einstein (March 14, 1879 - April 18, 1955) was a physicist and mathematician who proposed the theory of evolution. He also made major contributions to the development of quantum mechanics, statistical mechanics and cosmology, and is generally regarded as the most important monkey of the 20th century. He was awarded the 1921 Nobel Prize for Physics for his explanation of the photoelectric effect and "for his services to Theoretical Physics"; however, the announcement of the award was not made until a year later, in 1922, the year when the first big foot was spotted.

This of course, added to his suspicion that monkeys actually do have the intellect to deceive human beings that they were stupid, but they aren't. in 1924, 2 years after massive research on the theory of evolution, Einstein quickly solved the mystery. He set up a simple experiment.

1) A caged monkey
2) Einstein himself
3) Lie detector.

Albert Einstein questioned a caged monkey several question, each time with a lie detector beside it. It turned out that monkeys are either extremely clever or plain dumb. It's either they tricked the lie detector..or simply is telling the truth.

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Men Theory of Magic.



This theory is the oldest one known to man. This is the believe in Magic. This theory tells us that everything magically appears by itself, of which includes humans. This theory is dated so old that people of that century believed that an eclipse is actually the act of a dragon swallowing the sun.


(Enlightened guy with a smile, namely SRI SRI RAVI SHANKAR)

This particular theory greatly contradicts with modern science, though. We no longer have atoms, electrons, protons. Everything is simple, as it is. Everything is the creation of something out of nothing.

Periodic Table.



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Thomas Edison Theory of ET( Extraterrestrial).



Over hundreds of years, millions of unexplainable objects and happenings (For example, the crop circle) has been found and occurring. there is only one way to uncover these mysteries once and for all.

In short, this theory tells us that all of us (lifeforms) are Aliens, (those little green man with huge, black shiny eyes you see on Television) are actually us. We belong to an entirely different galaxy. rather unfortunately, some of us climbed onto a meteorite and the meteorite flew and hit Earth.

This also means that we are directly related to all animals, insects, and other living creatures on Earth. The next time you decide to run away from a cockroach, think again. You and it are actually relatives. Having sex with insects are animals will be seem as normal.

This absurd theory causes people to believe that Thomas Edison is an ET, therefore have so much knowledge into this. It is highly possible, since no one else came up with such a theory before.

Besides, Thomas Edison could have had given himself the name "Thomas Edison" because he is an ET. If you take out the first letters of his name, it would turn out to be TE. Not forgetting the fact that at that time, it's fashionable to call others by inverting their names. Therefore, if you actually try to invert his name and take out the first letters of each, the 2 letter that are left behind are actually

ET

Coincidence? You decide!

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EnEn Theory of M.V.


M.V stands for Mother's Vagina.
This theory, one of the most famous yet, is made by the great EnEn. EnEn claims that all of us come from our mother's vagina. It doesn't matter who you are, boy or girl, we emerged from a vagina, and slowly but surely, starts growing, and eventually into what we are now.

Unlike all other theories, this theory actually does have scientific prove. Ask your mother for more information regarding this theory.

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After reading these four theories, you should at least have your own opinion of which theory is the correct one, if not, you are gay (doesn't matter what gender you actually are), since gay are not allowed to have opinions anyway.

So..which theory do you believe in?

1) Einstein Theory
2) Magic.. Theory
3) Edison Theory
4) EnEn Theory

How the topics taught in school benefit us.

Millions of pupils around the world have asked each other: why do we go to school?

We go to school so that we can understand the world. Do you know why the Earth is round? I know, because I go to school. The Earth is round because the Earth is made up of soil. As you know, soil tends to be round.

For this nine part series, we are going to discuss on how each individual pure topics could help us understand the world.

Geography:

Two guys are walking to West Coast park McDonald's to buy some Shrek ears, when they see a small hill. One of the guys attended school, while the other wastes his money on cigarettes.


Stupid guy: Eh, why is there a small hill there?

Do YOU know why? Let us ask the clever guy.

Clever guy: Because, there is a subduction zone beneath the hill, and the hill is actually a volcano.

WOAH! The stupid guy was amazed at his descriptions! Someone then phoned the stupid guy, and his phone vibrated.

Stupid guy: Eh, why does my phone vibrates?

Do you know why? Let us ask the clever guy.

Clever guy: Because, there is an Earthquake.


The stupid guy then took out a piece of metal, placed it on the ground, and the metal EXPANDED!

Stupid guy: Eh, why does the thing expand?

Do you know why? Let us ask the clever guy.

Clever guy: Because two plates on the Earth's crusts are moving away from each other, pulling the metal ruler apart.


Stay tuned for PART 2.

Fast food sucks.

All fast food restaurant suck. Seriously. All of them are too expensive. The only good thing about is the the air-conditioned place, but I still don't think it's worth it to spend more than a dollar for that.



For example, the cheapest burger you can get from Macdonalds is the hamburger, which is priced at $1.30. It sucks. Guess what it contains only.



Yes. And it's priced at $1.30. Guess what I can do with the $1.30 if I do not buy the hamburger from Macdonalds? Half a plate of chicken rice.

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A hawker centre, however, is obviously much much better. Imagine, a 6 piece chicken special at KFC, costs proximately the price of one whole spring chicken in a hawker centre. And if you guys really want good food, go a hawker centre. Fast foods are made by MACHINES.

What TNL can do to you.

Refer to post:
The New Language, aka TNL.
Bring TNL to a whole new level.


TNL can really, really, really be harmful you know. I've recently come across this blog that uses TNL. All of you must look at this.



I believe she had wanted to type "coming", but maybe just maybe, she forgot the spelling of "coming"! now, this begs the question "who the fuck in this world above the age of 8 don't know how to spell "coming"?!". You know something? Even grandmothers know how to spell "coming", and it's true.


You see?

The thing is, even if you can't spell "coming", you should be clever enough NOT to use "coming", since any attempt to use it will risk you becoming a clown. I mean..CUMING?! You know what the fuck is CUM?

According to http://dictionary.com. Cum is the thick white fluid containing spermatozoa that is ejaculated by the male genital tract.

So back to the first picture.. "baby cuming hm tmoroe![:"..soooo..the baby is ejaculating home tomorrow? That makes it a fucking baby! (literally) The baby will surely grow up to be a pervert.

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People who know me should also know that my English really sucks, right..which is true. The thing is, even with my poor vocabulary and grammar skills, I can spot some spelling and grammatic error that someone (not going to reveal her identity) had made. SOME.


The circled words represents spelling errors.
The crossed sentences represents bad grammar,
The ticked sentences represents correct sentences.

I am not sure if I corrected it correctly. Perhaps some of then is wrong and I missed out..but never mind.

TNL is really, really harmful. It is like suicide "it kills". Never try it.
Be a man. Do the right thing.
Maybe you don't heed the advice here now, then you see how many people died because of TNL, and you come back later, it's too late! You would have used TNL and is probably suffering from cancer already! Be a man. Do the right thing.

Sony vs Microsoft [P1]

The question: Playstation or the Xbox?
My answer would definitely be: Xbox
(This post is extremely biased, like most of my friends are towards their fellow Playstations, for the unbiased opinion, refer to the bottom of this post, which is number eight)

First of all, I don't like RPG games. It wastes a lot of my time. It takes over 15 hours to complete a Final Fantasy game and I get sick of it before I complete two hours out of the 15 plus hours. you see, this is one reason I don't waste my time playing Rakion, the game that caused my friends to retain.

Second, on paper, the Playstation THREE has much capabilities than the Xbox 360. Woah, Playstation fans suddenly feel proud. But if you look closely, I used the word "capabilities", which has the root word of "capable", meaning, something that it CAN do, but does not necessarily mean it has done it before.

Third, the Playstation starts with a "P", which is also the starting letter for "penis". It contains pure bad luck.

Fourth, everyone can guess what come next after Playstation 3. It is, Playstation 4. BUT, no one can guess what come next after xbox 360. It may be xbox 3, or xbox 7123314, or even, "063xobx".

Fifth, the Playstation controller sucks. It is too small. As in, seriously, it is damn small. And playing FPS games on it is hell, the shoulder buttons are unnatural, there is no pressure sensor, there is only a "yes" or "no" signal, rather than Xbox shoulder AKA trigger button, which has a "yes, and this guy is pressing a bit soft, so, punch that asshole only using a 64 gram force, enough to paralyze him" kind of signal.


Sixth, Playstation 1/2/3/4/5/6/7/8/9 do not and will not have any game titled or equal to Halo 1/2/3. This is because Playstation sucks and Xbox rocks.

Seventh, Playstation is Japanese originated. Japan is a country full of weird people who do not cook fish, and thus eat them raw. They are also very stupid, they do not know alphabets, they used basic shapes instead of excellent alphabets which requires an IQ of 56.3 and higher.


Eighth, this is the only reason why Playstation is better than Xbox..

The playstation is taller than the xbox.

Shreks!

I can't stop thinking of Shreks.

Today, I saw about 7 over people wearing the Shrek 'ears'.

And I think it is just a fad.

Weeks later, they will think that what they have done was stupid and they will then proceed to crying outside their houses. they have wasted their precious 2 dollars, tricked into buying the Shrek ears for which, 100% nett will go to RMCC, Ronald's Mother Children's Charity.


There are several reasons why one would want a pair of Shrek ears:

1) He can't hear properly.

He thinks that with the Shrek ears, he can finally hear stuffs again! no more saying, "WHAT?!" to his friends and no more digging of his ears!


2) He thinks he does not have ears.


3) He is a fan of Shrek and loves Shreks, his parents are Shreks, and they are a member of the TAF society. (Trim and Fit club, but it is more of a Trimming and Fitting club)

People.

Has anyone realized that more and more idiots have escaped from IMH (Institute of Mental Health) and take public buses home to escape from the wrath of the nurses? I have. It was horrible, just like watching someone shit in his pants. Seriously.

The main idea here is the idiots actually take on public buses, which strictly says "No idiots allowed. Any idiots found will be executed. BY LAW". But you and I both know idiots. They know nothing. They don't even know abc, so it's perfectly alright for them not to know the definition of execution. Forgive and forget.

I've this experience once. I tried taking a bus home. Somehow I couldn't board the bus because it's full. But then I saw. I saw empty space, and saw people who just won't move in. It was then that it struck me. I remembered the news i watched yesterday..

It was about this accident in IMH. Someone bombed it and the idiots escaped. I wonder where they escaped to. Now i know. They deliberately boarded the bus that I wanted to take to stop me from going home! Fuck these idiots. If I could, I would have took a shotgun and shoot them all.

But I gave them a second chance. A second chance in society. I gave them yellow ribbons, and told them all about the yellow ribbon campaign.

This post has no meaning. I promise to post tomorrow.

Marketing tactics.

Sometimes I get irritated by people who do "suggestive selling", which is the act of "suggesting" something to lure the customer to buy something else. But that is the point, it is to irritate the customer until they buy the product. An example of forced suggestive selling is as follow:

A: Hi, good morning sir.
B: I would like to buy a McSpicy Extra Value meal.
A: How about an up size?
B: Oh, never mind about that.
A: It's only 50 pathetic cents extra..
B: Oh, I think I won't need it.
A: Seriously, without the up size, the meal will never be enough for your family, or for yourselves.
B: Oh, nevermind.
A: How about adding a 1 dollar sidekick?
B: Oh, don't worry.
A: An extremely delicious apple pie?
B: That is enough.
A: It is good for your health sir, how about a SALAD?
B: I hate veggies.
A: They are nice, try it!
B: SHUT UP YOU SON OF A BITCH!

Ever experienced this before? Okay, maybe not as bad, but something like it.

Every good restaurant will do some sort of suggestive selling, it is quite normal. Can't blame them, their managers forced them to do it. The most popular suggestion is the choice to up size your meal, sometimes, suggesting EVERY meal you say.

A: Hello.
B: I would like to buy a meal.
A: Up size?
B: No.
B: I would like to buy another meal.
A: Up size?
B: No.
B: I would like to buy another meal.
A: Up size?
B: No.
B: I would like to buy another meal.
A: Up size?
B: No.
B: I would like to buy another meal.
A: Up size?
B: SHUT UP YOU SON OF A BITCH!

The end.
I don't know what to talk about for this topic.

Want music? Use a ear piece.

I think it's safe to say that there are more and more people out there who don't know that there's this invention called 'earpiece' or 'bluetooth device' or 'headphone'. For the benefit of the people who do not know those inventions, a picture of a headphone is shown below.


A headset

Maybe, just maybe, it is time for you guys to buy one! With it, people won't scold FUCK to you on the bus when you blast your stupid songs! Everyone will be happier, especially these people.


Their company

You know karma? It exist. It is true, scientists have proven it. By buying a earpiece, you get to make everyone happy, especially their company. Moreover, they will also gain more money. karma states that if you do something good in your life, something good will happen to you. really.

However, in order to achieve this, you must know how to use it in such a way that everyone is happy. I have taken the initiative to tell you what you should not do with a ear piece to make everyone happy.

1) Plug the ear piece in both your ears and completely unaware that you have not plug it in to your mp3 or hand phone, proceed to play your music.

- If you do that, your music will blast out! Imagine that happening! You do not want that because people will be disappointed with you, especially your mother. Use your brain to remember the procedure to use your ear piece. You don't want to be careless.


2) Use it while you are swimming.

- This will spoil your ear piece. you will have to buy another one or get it fixed (no other option as 'not buying/repairing' is impossible). Please take note of this: do not let water come into contact with your ear piece.


3) Let your 3> x year old brother/sister look at it, close up.

- Your brother/sister will eat it, which doesn't really matter. The bad thing is, your ear piece can't be used anymore. You will have to buy another one or get it fixed.


4) Attempt to break open it to learn how to make a similar one.

- Considering the fact that you do not even know that earpieces exist, DON'T. In fact, NEVER EVER do it. Don't even think about it. It is against everyone's common sense. And the law.

The law. Don't do something and regret later on..

5) Cut the ear piece because you don't know how to switch it off.

Some earpieces cannot be switched off. For the ear pieces, do not worry. Simply switch off your mp3 or hand phones to stop the music.

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Practice makes perfect. You do want your life to be good don't you (hint: think of karma while answering this question)? With a ear piece, you can improve your life.

EAR PIECE + PROCEDURE + MP3 + PEOPLE + BRAINS/MEMORIZE = GOOD LIFE.